Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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