He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
