I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
