I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
