Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
