The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize