i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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