brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
