Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
