I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
