Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
