Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize