Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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