i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
