Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
