If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
