Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
