shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
he puts the penis in happiness.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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