Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
