he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
