I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize