babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
His hands were made for my vagina.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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