It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Be still, my beating vagina.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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