using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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