My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
