just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
