how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
