We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize