I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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