I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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