so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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