He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
