I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
