I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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