A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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