last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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