I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
