did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Its about making memories worth repressing
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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