why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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