It's like a parade of train wrecks.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
