We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
