my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
