There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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