i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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