Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
