We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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