Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
