remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
