I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
