he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
