My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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