totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Randomize