looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I love having hate sex.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
