Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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