I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
