last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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