your room smells of hookers.
And success
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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