I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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