His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize