She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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