Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
i think im in europe. pls send help
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
