He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
