i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
