i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
