the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
