So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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