I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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